A Healing Experience.

 

In a field of my insecurities and short-comings, she plants flowers. Previously, it would be left unattended to. No one to look after it as it grew more and more. Why is she doing this? She doesn’t have to waste her time like this.

With a whisk of her graceful hands, she masterfully composes art as beautiful as her existence. I try to stop her but the feeling isn’t like anything I’ve experienced before? I am loved and surrounded by a constant feeling of fuzziness. “Relax”, she says. I am stiff at first, but gradually let her consume all of me.

The flowers she plants are little parts of her own self. They merge into my dry field to grow instantaneously, almost like fruits that are only meant to be grown on a particular soil.

There aren’t many things that I am grateful for in this world but she is as transcendental as all of the objects in the universe combined. To have her in my arms can be described as feeling, all of the warmth of nature’s creations in a rub of our atoms.

You are the light of my eyes and the food to my soul.

So come into my arms and let me love you whole.

shams

 

 

-Asad A. Shamsi

BBA.

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Words Are Insufficient.

Natsume Takashi,

Truth be told, I avoided you for a long time. You seemed like an average teenager to me and I have been disappointed spending time getting to know people I have never been able to relate to. So, I want to start off by thanking you. Thank you for voicing all the feelings I have never been able to explain. Your calm, soothing presence helped me find a place where my sadness made sense.

We start molding our personality as children while our teenage years help cement them. Losing your parents and being forced to move from house-to-house because you were considered ‘unusual’ must have been hard. You were always by yourself, no place or people to call your own, always feeling like an outsider.

It was pretty sad wasn’t it? To watch all the other kids around you play and laugh while you sat in a corner and watched? Never being able to share your emotions or a lunchbox for that matter. Maybe in an alternative universe, we could have been friends. It would have been nice.

Our loneliness was never towering, for us, loneliness has always been like a drifting cloud, coming and going at its own whim, yet, never quite leaving us.

Things changed for you later though, you were taken in by a loving foster family who showed you kindness and, you said it yourself, didn’t you? That the more people try to be kind to you, the more terrified you become. Now that you have gotten a taste of what love actually feels like, you are terrified of losing it.

Our mutual anxiety is what makes you so relatable. I know what it feels like to be conscious of your every movement down to every single breath you draw from your lungs. To double-check every move because you are so scared that a single miscalculated step might shatter everything because that’s how fragile it all seems to you.

You never shared these anxieties with anyone because that would only serve to burden them and that’s the last thing you’d ever want to do. So, you stay quiet. You do not voice your feelings because you never know what could prompt them to leave you. So, you silently suffer and tell yourself that it’s all for the best.

Throughout the series you never gave any thought to your future because it was scary to imagine, wasn’t it? To imagine a future where you’re happy, loved, content; because deep down you cannot help but think that you are undeserving of it.

But Natsume, we are both beginning to change, aren’t we? We have found people we can fall back on, we are learning that it is okay to voice our feelings, to give them a name. We are both slowly beginning to heal. It is a long, painful process and the only reason we brave on is because of those fleeting moments of happiness. Moments where you are surrounded and bathed in love, days where you laugh till your insides cannot take anymore; treasured moments that make us want to stick around for a little while longer.

There will be a lot of sad days in the future as well and they might outnumber the happy ones but that’s all part of life’s unpredictability. Some days you will be able to ride out the waves, other days you might be left with salt-water lungs, gasping for air and that’s okay. You’re doing okay. We’re doing okay.

 

Regards,

Aasma Adnan.

 

A Hunter and I

,dean

To Dean Winchester,

Years and years ago a sudden emotion erupted within me, as I think long and hard about that day, I realize how much has changed, not only in me but in you too. My life only consisted of grief, loneliness and misery; and honestly I never thought I’d be standing here today. Seven years ago for the first time in my life I heard a life changing quote, and that was “Dad’s on a hunting trip, and he hasn’t been home in a few days”.

Dean Winchester, you have ruined me and saved me countless times and I have no words that can fully express how much I adore your existence. From the moments you cracked sarcastic jokes and made me laugh with your obvious movie references, and to the moments where you made me bawl and wail like the baby I am, everything has helped me become a better version of myself. In the beginning I worried for you and I used to constantly yell at you to ‘stop!’ before you ended up hurting yourself, in the end my screaming was all in vain and you still pulled off your disastrous stunts anyway. You’ve killed, murdered and slaughtered every monster and demon that came in your way, you lost absolutely everything because of them, even Sam. But somehow your strength always brought you back up and helped you survive, and I’m simply bewildered by that. Seeing you struggle and never lose hope helped me understand so many things and it made me root for you even more. I always wished for your happiness, even when you died (the very first time!) And were sent to hell I was in utter shock and I did not think I would recover, but even death couldn’t stop you from protecting the ones you love, especially Sam. Dean, even after all these years you have surprised me every time! You’re willing to sacrifice yourself with every breath you take and my God it amazes me! How? Just how can someone be so selfless and good?. I look up to you, it’s strange how much I connect to you but even I know that you are much more confident, braver, and strong willed than I can ever be, but because of you I’ve learned so many things that I should’ve appreciated a long while ago. I’ve learned to love music (‘Zeppelin rules!’), I’ve learned to adore and savor food even more, I’ve also learned to love and cherish my family even more, but most of all I’ve learned to finally accept myself the way I am. You and your brother have become demons, vampires and also vessels for the most powerful entities that could exist, but somehow you two have always remained true to yourselves and you never let anyone change who you are, and that my friend is a fine characteristic that I’ve applied on myself. You’ve helped me strive and polish my personality in the process too, simple words and gestures by you were enough to make me adore you even more! And words that seem normal to others have several different meanings to me; for example: bitch, pie, angel, brother, and last but not least, family. And its all because of you.

Staying with you for all these years has taken its toll on me, and a life without you just feels like a void where no source of life can ever exist, you’re family Dean, you’re my family! and all I know is I’m not going anywhere until you finally settle down and just CHILL for once!.

My Dear hunter, I thank you.

Sincerely,

Gul.

DISAPPOINTMENTS.

diss

It was a cold, windy evening, Natasha just landed at an Indian airport. Although she was returning from the USA after 10 years but she did not seem excited. Her big, hazel, almond-shaped eyes showed deep sadness. The joy while coming back to her motherland, the place where she was born, was not anywhere in her face. She was lost in her thoughts deeply.

While walking at the airport, she heard a voice from the back, “Excuse me!” She looked back and replied, “Yes?”

“Your notebook slipped off from your bag.” She recalled the time when her friends surprised her after the classes and gifted her that colourful notebook, with scrumptious rainbow-coloured jelly cake with ‘Happy Birthday Tasha’ written on it. She was obsessed about these kinds of notebooks and diaries and had a collection of them. It was one of her favourite diaries. She wrote all her good memories which she spent with her close friends. Those times rushed into her mind while picking up the notebook.

She wanted to cry so hard but suddenly Mr. Suresh Batra shouted, “Stop wasting our time and hurry up!”

It was her father who was so angry as he was exhaust due to delay in flight and they had to stay at the Dubai airport two more hours. He wanted to reach to their apartment as soon as possible, take a hot shower and go for a dinner at her sister’s place who was waiting for her brother and his family desperately. Natasha wiped her tears off with her handkerchief immediately and moved on with her luggage.

“Oh Suresh! It’s been so long since I’ve seen you people. Oh my God Tashu! You’re so grown up and pretty. And look at these handsome boys, especially the youngest one. He resembles you a lot, Suresh. And Neha, you have lost a lot of weight. Don’t forget to give me tips dear.” This was Mrs. Priya Arora, Mr. Batra’s sister.

She was so happy to see her brother and his family after a long time. After settling at America, it was the first time Mr. Batra came back to his motherland. And Mrs. Arora, being the wife of one of the richest and handsome businessman, Mr. Ankit Arora, never got a chance to visit to her brother’s place. Although, Mr. Arora often goes to different countries every month for his business trips but never took his wife along with him. He had no time for his family and was busy in his office day and night. They had no kids, lived in a 3-storey bungalow and were totally strangers to each other. Mr. Arora had a very healthy and luxurious lifestyle. He wakes up at 5 a.m., goes for jogging, performs yoga, eats healthy breakfast and leaves for his office at sharp 7 a.m.

After coming back home at 5 p.m., he remained busy doing business deals, then goes to parties and clubs. He returns back home at 11 p.m. and goes to sleep. Mrs. Arora adjusted her life according to her husband’s. She had no complains. She used to feel lonely but then she decided to continue her education, instead of sitting alone at her house all day. And today, she is the managing director of the multinational company. She is an inspiration to all the Indian housewives who have been tortured by their tyrant families and in laws for years and years. Two years ago, she also received a ‘woman of substance‘ award by Indian Women Organisation and this news was published worldwide.

“Which college you are planning to go, Natasha?” Mrs Arora asked. Natasha was so lost in her thoughts that hearing Mrs Arora’s voice startled her.

“Well aunty, I’m thinking to continue my college studies privately as my two years are already wasted, so I’m thinking to complete them within a year.”

“You won’t study privately. I’ve already looked up some few good colleges for you. Better to take admissions in one of them,” ordered Mr Batra.

“But I don’t want to waste any more years,” claimed Natasha. “Why don’t you understand? Studying privately will affect your grades and you won’t be admitted in any of the good universities,” Mr Batra said angrily.

Natasha shook her head. She had no more courage to argue with anyone, because she knew she’ll lose again. Before coming back to India, she begged her parents not to leave USA before her graduation. But her parents thought if she’ll stay even one more month, they’ll lose her.

She fell in love with her dearest friend, Ethan and wanted to marry him. When she told her parents about him, they refused to meet him. She knelt down on their knees and begged in front of them but they disagreed. And when she blackmailed them that she’ll run away if she didn’t get married to him, her parents planned to settle back to India, without telling anything to Natasha. She came to know this by listening to her parents’ conversation, during the flight but till then, it was too late for her to run away.

Next day, early in the morning, she went to the kitchen to make a cup of hot chocolate for herself and decided to have a walk at the garden. While she was wandering around on a soft grass, she saw a piece of paper lying near the main gate. She leaped towards it to check what it was. It was a letter from the USA to Natasha. There was no name written on the envelope. When she opened the letter, it said:

Dear Tasha,

I hope you have reached India safely with your family. And I know that you’re not happy with their decision. But it’s better to accept the truth as soon as possible. I know it’s difficult for you, but it’s also difficult for your parents to accept a guy who is from different religion and culture. They are not wrong at their side, they took this step because they love you, care about you and don’t want to lose you. They are afraid that if you marry me, you will lose your religion and culture forever. But believe me, I’ll never force you to do that so, because I love you and I don’t want you to sacrifice anything for me. Love is not about doing sacrifices, it’s accepting someone with all the flaws and differences and loving them perfectly. And don’t worry about our future. I believe that we’ll meet one day. Maybe after 10 years or so, but we will definitely meet. And your parents will also understand our love, trust me. Just give them some time and concentrate on your studies. Forget whatever happened and take a fresh start. And do take care of yourself. OK?

Forever yours,

Ethan.

P.S. Do not forget to give me your number, I’ll call you whenever possible.

After reading this, she got motivation and a new hope and felt herself very close to Ethan. She decided to join college once again as she wanted to prove to Ethan that his love had a power to change her and make her achieve what she can in her life. She folded the letter and went into the room to get ready as she was getting late for her interview in college.

 

-Nabiha Sohani.

BS Biosciences.